It’s August, it’s raining, and I’m feeling quite deflated (which is ironic considering the amount of comfort eating I’m doing!). But the good news is, this is all pretty ‘normal’!!
I had my first 6 monthly check up yesterday (although its only actually been 4 months and my next one is in 5 months, I guess they ease you into the 6 month thing gently!). I know people had said these appointments were hard, and I’d read people’s stories of how they are a nightmare a couple of weeks before and after, but I had no grasp of how hard it was! Thankfully, I only really struggled 24 hours before, my boyfriend took me away for the weekend before for my birthday and I think that helped. Tuesday was tough though! People at work were lovely but kept talking about it as they knew it was the next day so by the time I got home it was all I could think about! That was nothing compared to being back in the hospital though. I could physically feel my chest getting tight with panic, I sat and waited in the waiting room where I had been sat a year ago, watching people going in to see various doctors and their lives being changed forever – just so sad to see.
My appointment was fine – all looks ok, just waiting for a test result to come back but they seem positive and confident it’s all ok. Strangely that’s not the thing at the front of my mind. The thing I’m most struggling with is how do you live the rest of your life with this every 6 months!??! It’s like you start building a new life and start moving forward and then – bang! – here’s a reminder of where you have been and a flashing neon sign saying you could be sent back at any time!
Most of the time that’s a good reminder of how fragile life is and how important it is to make the most of every day, but on a rainy day in August it feels more like a reminder of just how sad and cruel life can be.
Debbie's Life After Cancer 