So, today I spent some time with a friend (girly lunch and shopping) and I paid attention to how many times ‘cancer’ came up – and it was ok actually. I think its become the norm in a lot of ways and so whilst we spoke about stuff that has been affected by it (mainly work) we didn’t talk about the cancer itself. I think I always associate the career changes I’m making with cancer on the basis without cancer I probably wouldn’t be changing, but I guess for others they just see it as a change!
The irony is that it’s so hard to know what’s ‘normal’ and what is cancer related. My wrist is painful as the tendon is objecting to being back at a desk job (so am I to be fair!) and so it has developed a Repetative Strain Injury! Would I have that if I hadn’t been off work for 9 months? Who knows! I’m also anaemic at the moment, apparently that’s quite common too! I’m potentially giving up my job in the city to train to be a hairdresser. I’m taking garlic, turmeric, cod liver oil and calcium supplements and eating broccoli and strawberries till I’m sick of them! It’s hard because its like there are these constant little reminders about it all as you are trying to move forward. Not all of them are bad (I actually quite like strawberries and always wanted to do hairdressing when I was a kid so am excited about that) but they are still a reminder that my life has changed.
The next test for today is tonight’s activities! I’m seeing my ‘boyfriend’ (I use the term lightly but that’s a whole other blog! Lets just say its not going well and for once I don’t think the reason is particularly cancer related!) So, I suggest a country walk, picnic, pub, night out in my local town, just some general relaxed chilled things which make the most of a sunny Saturday! He wants a night in on the sofa. Now before there is a barrage of ‘Ah how sweet’, the reality of a night in on the sofa is him playing on my iPad all night while I cook, wash up and provide him with a steady stream of nibbles and drink before he announces he is tired and its time we went to bed, turns everything off and falls straight asleep in bed! Again, if we had been married 10 years I would get it, but we’ve been dating of about 18 months. And here comes the test – after everything I’ve been through, and to be honest he has been through it too, surely we should be making the most of our time. I feel like I’m inbetween a rock and a hard place! I want to ‘do’ stuff and experience stuff while I can, but at the same time people around me are still very happy doing whatever they were doing before – and that’s great, I’m not knocking it, and people have been fantastic, but I feel a bit like I want to shout ‘come on people lets go and do this’ and everyone just looks at me like I’m mad and reply ‘its ok, you’re ok now lets just go back to normal’. The thing is the new normal for me is very different!
Debbie's Life After Cancer 